HP call center supervisor can not help customer

Consumer electronics have this terrible, terrible habit of breaking down shortly after the manufacturer's warranty is up. In Eva's case, the battery of her HP laptop self-destructed just two weeks after her original warranty ended. She thought that perhaps since her battery had started failing during the warranty period, they might give her a break. Nope. Thus began her battle of wills with R., the HP call center supervisor who can't help you, but answers to no one.
A month or a month and a half ago, my HP G-series laptop started shutting down suddenly. It was annoying, but I thought it was basically an exotic version of a computer crash, so I saved my work a lot and didn't worry about it.

Enter last night, when, two weeks out of warranty, my battery status indicator informed me that ""There is a problem with your battery, so your computer might shut down suddenly. Consider replacing your battery." My computer might shut down suddenly? Like it had been doing already? Ooooh. So what I'd been experiencing was a failing battery.

Well, the computer was only two weeks out of warranty, and the problem had manifested while I had a warranty, so it seemed reasonable to me that HP would agree that 1) one year and two weeks is the world's shortest notebook battery life and not acceptable, and 2) the problem happened while the computer was in warranty. Off I went to call customer service.

I should say that the first two times I called the HP 1-800 number for help, I carefully went through the phone tree like a good girl, pressing all the correct options. After promising to transfer me to the correct department, the phone tree then hung up on me. Twice.

The next time I called, I just said "agent" over and over to the phone tree robot lady, like a demented parrot. This got me through to Rep 1, who told me to buy a new battery and wouldn't (probably couldn't) offer other options. I asked for a supervisor, and he put me on hold...forever. No one ever picked up the phone again.

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After going through the "agent" routine with the phone tree again, I got Rep #2, who offered that I could pay $49 or $99 or perhaps $49 and also $99 (it was unclear) for technical support, after which I could buy a battery from him for only $99. I turned down this incredible bargain politely and asked for his supervisor. After 30 minutes on hold, he said that the supervisor was still busy, and the best thing would be for me to hang up and send a letter to HP. I declined this option, which sounded like a non-starter, and asked to wait for the supervisor.

After forty minutes, I got "R.," the supervisor, on the line. R promised to check my battery to see if it was eligible for a recall and then to explore other options with me. He then put me on hold. When he came back, he wanted me to hang up with him and go check an HP website about battery recalls. I told him I'd already checked the website (I had) and my battery wasn't on the list (it wasn't). He then revealed he had checked the website and found the same thing. I'm not sure why he wanted me to check also, but I suspect it was an attempt to get me to hang up.

Anyway, then he launched into the same sales spiel the customer rep had already given me — my battery was out of warranty, but I could pay for this nifty service package! And then they could diagnose it! And then I could buy a new battery!

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